I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Couch. On fire.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
