We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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