Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
