the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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