I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
