All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
