There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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