I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
