I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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