You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
