It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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