I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
