Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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