I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
