My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
