So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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