He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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