Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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