i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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