If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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