Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize