My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
