remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
