Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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