TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
