Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
