So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
