I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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