a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
