I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
bring money and cleavage
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
