I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
