Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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