Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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