I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
