you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
