I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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