my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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