id be glad to
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
