Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
