I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
