so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize