My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
