Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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