dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was confusing and full of hummus
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
