Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
