Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
