I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
