This is the prime rib incident all over again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
