I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Two words: blizzard sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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