ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
