things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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