Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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