I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
