can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
