She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
