Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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