Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
