I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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