haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
