I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
