You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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