1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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