you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize