that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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