go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
