somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
