Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
