I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
