I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
