A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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