we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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