My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
