UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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