Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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