five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
