I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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