We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
