Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
