I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
